Get the expert advice you need: Chantelle Otten is here to discuss everything you need to know about lubricants, stigma, and self-exploration.
Q: Any tips for self-exploration?
Chantelle Otten: Self-exploration is a beautiful way to deepen your connection with your body and understand what brings you pleasure. Start by creating a relaxed, private space where you feel safe and comfortable. Take your time - explore touch, pressure, and movement across your body to notice what feels good. Using tools like a mirror can help you become more familiar with your anatomy, while lubricant or a toy can add new sensations. Focus on being present and curious, without any pressure to achieve an outcome. Remember, self-exploration isn’t just about physical pleasure - it’s about building self-awareness and embracing your sexual confidence.
Q: Why is there stigma attached when using lubricant?
Chantelle Otten: The stigma around lubricant often comes from misconceptions, like the idea that needing lubricant means there’s something “wrong” with you or that you should always get wet naturally, which is not the case. In reality, lubricant is a game-changer for enhancing pleasure and comfort, no matter your age or stage in life. Things like stress, hormonal changes, or even certain medications can affect natural lubrication, and that’s totally normal. Using lubricant isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a tool to make intimacy more enjoyable. The more we normalise lubricant as part of sexual wellness, the less shame people will feel about using it.
Q: What's the #1 mistake people make when using lubricant?
Chantelle Otten: The #1 mistake people make with lubricant is not using enough or skipping it altogether. Many assume lubricant is only for specific situations, like dryness, but it can enhance pleasure and reduce friction for everyone, regardless of arousal levels. Another common error is not checking compatibility. Oil-based lubricants, for example, can damage latex condoms, and some ingredients in flavoured or scented lubricants can irritate sensitive skin. Always choose a high-quality lubricant that suits your needs and don’t hesitate to use more as needed. Lubricant isn’t just practical; it’s a simple way to make intimacy smoother, more comfortable, and more enjoyable.
Q: I'm single and feel pressure about 'natural lubrication' how can I intro it into my experiences?
Chantelle Otten: Feeling pressure about ‘natural lubrication’ is so common, but let me assure you, it’s nothing to stress about. Arousal doesn’t always equal immediate natural lubrication. Factors like stress, hormones, or even where you are in your cycle can impact it. Introducing lubricant can actually enhance your experiences and make them more enjoyable. You could say something like, “I’ve heard lubricant can make everything feel even better, should we give it a try?” It’s practical, adds comfort, and can even be a playful addition. Remember, using lubricant isn’t about replacing anything, it’s about enhancing pleasure for both you and your partner.
Q: How to overcome sexuality shame from the church?
Chantelle Otten: Sexuality and shame shouldn’t go hand in hand, but for many raised in religious environments, they do. The first step in unlearning this is recognising that your sexuality isn’t wrong, it’s something to understand and embrace. Ask yourself: are these feelings yours, or were they taught? Exploring sex-positive resources and working with a therapist can help challenge outdated beliefs. If faith is still important to you, know that many religious communities embrace inclusive perspectives. Healing takes time, so be patient with yourself. Every step toward self-acceptance brings you closer to a more fulfilling and shame-free relationship with your sexuality.
Q: Is it normal to occasionally feel burning or discomfort when becoming aroused?
Chantelle Otten: Occasional burning or discomfort during arousal isn’t uncommon, but sex should never be painful. Understanding why it happens is key; it could be due to friction, lack of lubrication, or sensitivity in the vaginal area. Hormonal changes, conditions like vaginismus or vulvodynia, or irritation from certain products can also play a role. If it’s a one-off, it’s usually not a concern, but if it’s persistent or impacts your pleasure, check in with a doctor or pelvic health specialist. Prioritising comfort ensures intimacy remains enjoyable. Pain is not something you have to push through, and there are solutions available.
